GROW WITH SARAH GRACE

In November of last year, I celebrated my 21st birthday and as the day began to approach, I was slowly getting emotional. Of course, all birthdays are important because you were granted another trip around the sun but I realized something about my milestone. After your 21st birthday, birthdays tend to not matter “as much”. The next “big” one is my 50th and as my mom described her 50th, that’s not a good feeling to celebrate.

So in honor of my not so “important” birthday, I have written a list of 22 things I learned before turning 22. Most of it’s cliche things but all the same, these things helped make me who I am today and for that I’m thankful. So here are 22 things I learned before turning 22 – in no particular order of course:

(1) Life is short. Let’s get the most cliche one out of the way first. We all know this and understand this but as I got older, I began to lose people close to me and some of those people were around my age and that made me realize that we aren’t guaranteed the next hour of our life so we should live every second like it’s our last. Go buy the shirt or book the trip. Just live with no regrets.

(2) When it comes to friendships, quality > quantity. It took me way too long to realize this one. Throughout high school, I was chasing the idea of being everyone’s friend but that idea turned out to be my downfall as I gained some friends that weren’t the best for me or my life. I started college with the idea to refresh and start my friend group over again with more people than in high school but after online school, I realized that my friend group in college is the smallest I’ve ever had but it’s one of my best as well because they help me grow as a person and genuinely care for me. 

(3) There is no such thing as “perfection”. *cue “Nobody’s Perfect” by Hannah Montana*… No, but seriously, we all strive to have the perfect grades, the perfect friends, the perfect Instagram, the perfect significant other or the perfect body. I learned the hard way that there is no such thing as perfection. You can count the calories and lose the weight or nitpick what pictures you’ll post on your social media but in the end, it isn’t going to meet your standards because they are too high. It’s time to stop striving for perfection and strive for happiness instead. 

(4) Food isn’t your enemy. In high school, I struggled with an unhealthy relationship with food to the point that I was afraid of eating certain foods. I treated food like a reward when it was meant to be fuel. I don’t think I’ve fully recovered from my high school mindset but I know now that food isn’t the enemy, but my mind is. Food isn’t meant to be the villain and make you feel bad for eating a certain thing or for too many calories.

(5) You need to love yourself before you can allow someone else to love you. For the longest time, I would say “You need to love yourself before you can love someone else” because that’s what a boy told me in high school when he was trying to explain why we couldn’t be together but as I got a little bit older, I realized that statement isn’t true. In fact, when I was at my worst in self-love, I threw all my love at other people and drowned them with the love I was missing. But, if you don’t love yourself you won’t fully believe someone who truly loves you so to allow someone to love you fully, you need to accept yourself.

(6) Find your stress reliever and use it. For me, journaling is key to helping destress my cluttered mind so make sure you find your “journaling”. It can be baking, music, sports or anything at all. I also enjoy going on long drives when I’m back home with country roads and music. Whatever your stress-reliever task might be, don’t be afraid to use it as much as you need. Don’t make it feel like a chore, though. I went through a phase where I felt I was forcing myself to journal and I began to slowly not enjoy it so I took a break and loved to do it when I need it again. 

(7) You’re in charge of your own happiness. Sure, you can blame the little things on someone else like “Oh, well David said he didn’t want to date anymore so I’m sad” but David never cared about your happiness. You see, happiness is a choice. You can choose to let David’s opinion affect you or move on and find your true happiness in those who care about you. After I was sad for nearly 4 months in high school over a boy (I know, a weakness for sure), I vowed to only allow myself two days to mope from that point forward when I was sad because life is too short to waste a second on the couch over a boy.

(8) Enjoy the little moments. We often forget the little moments like when he touched our hand or when they said that something reminded them of us. We are too focused on trying to capture the big moments that we miss the little ones. But those little moments are what make the big moments so enjoy the little moments as much as you can and cherish them. They are usually the sweeter memories.

(9) People always change, but that’s okay. Another one I learned the very hard way. No matter what anyone says, people change. It’s a natural thing and happens to everyone. When those changes are bad or lead to someone leaving your life, it can be hard to accept that change but trust me, it’s okay. They were meant to be in your life for a certain amount of time and it’s time for them to go help someone else in their life journey. It’s easier said than done but accept the changes and realize that some people are meant to leave you.

(10) It’s okay to have some alone time. I know some of us were going crazy in quarantine and wanted to have social interaction while some of us found out that we were introverts and loved the alone time. Personally, the Coronavirus helped me see that alone time is okay and sometimes necessary. I did miss some social time but found that when I was alone, I felt a little more relaxed and it helped me recharge. After all, a single life can be a great life.

(11) Forgive the past but never forget it. Taylor Swift said it best, “I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put ‘em.” We can forgive what someone did to move on but as the saying goes “once a cheater, always a cheater”. Once they wrong you once, they can do it again at any time so forgive but never forget. You can forgive someone and act like you are fine but always keep your guard up with that person because they are bound to get you again when you least expect it. 

(12) There is so much to see in this world. I have always had a love for travel and after leaving the United States for the first time when I was 17, I realized that there is so much more to this world. When you step outside of your comfort zone and hometown, you can find some amazing cultures, foods, people and so much more in this lifetime. Traveling isn’t meant for everyone but I strongly encourage you to go outside of your comfort zone and try something new! See the world and explore something bigger than yourself.  

(13) Always be grateful. No matter how tough life may get, there is always a positive side and for that, you should be grateful. Along with being grateful for what you have rather than what you don’t, you have to cherish what you have because one day it could all change. Always find something to be grateful for because it helps you get through the tough times.

(14) Your hometown built you. This one took me 20.5 years to find out. I have never been a fan of my hometown, Dayton, Ohio for many personal reasons. It reminded me too much of my past and I didn’t like facing it anymore so I moved to Chicago and started new. I realized that I will most likely never live in Dayton again but that place made me who I am and is the reason I’m sitting in a skyscraper apartment in downtown Chicago. I always said Dayton broke me but it just wounded me to let Chicago heal me.

(15) Don’t throw your trust around. As the quote goes, “Be careful who you trust because the devil was once an angel.” I’m not saying you should have commitment issues (because from experience, that won’t get you very far) but I think you should guard your trust – and heart – a little extra when it comes to everything. Be careful who you trust to be your friends and most importantly, your significant other.

(16) You win some, you lose some. Growing up, this is all I would hear from my Pop and it stuck with me. Life isn’t fair and it most definitely isn’t easy or perfect. You’re going to have some good days and they are going to be followed by some bad ones. Just keep your head up and keep pushing, a good day is coming! This saying can also apply to my athletes out there. Of course, I haven’t played a real sport until grade school and my games mainly consisted of losses so I won a few and lost a lot but just know you can’t be undefeated forever in the game or life.

(17) Love with your whole heart. I was always scared to show my whole heart when I fell for someone because I didn’t want to scare them away but as I got older, I realized that my heart is one of my best features so why hide it away? If I can’t find someone who isn’t scared of my whole heart, they don’t deserve my love. So, always love with your whole heart, and don’t be afraid to show that.

(18) You can’t choose your circumstances but you can choose to overcome them. My older brother, Daniel told me this when I was in grade school and it stuck with me ever since. At the time, I was asking him for a girl scouts project and I assumed he came up with it himself on a whim. Now that I’m older and know that it isn’t an original, I still love the words. We are all given a lot in this life and sometimes it might seem like a lot but you can get over it if you believe you can.

(19) It’s okay to show emotions. I had this kind of thing where I couldn’t and wouldn’t cry in front of people – boys specifically. I always thought that crying was a sign of weakness when it’s not. In fact, being able to show and accept your emotions is a pretty strong thing to do. I still have an issue crying in front of people, but now it’s just because I’m an ugly crier and most of the time have mascara on but I am not afraid to tell people about my feelings anymore.

(20) Family matters. When I was a Senior in high school, I was looking for the farthest city away to go to college and start fresh. I wanted to leave as soon as possible. Once I was gone and alone in a big city, I realized how much I should have cherished my time with my family a little more than I did. I’m not saying I shouldn’t have rushed out and started fresh because I really needed it, but living alone and so far away has taught me that family matters and they are always going to be there for you.

(21) Sometimes your mental health is more important. I remember one of my friends in high school would skip school some days and say it was just a “mental health day” and at the time, I was like “come on just to school, it’s not that bad.” Now that I’m older and have dealt with some mental health issues myself, I understand what she was doing. Sometimes you wake up and it’s all a little too much and it’s okay to take a break and regroup. As Simone Biles displayed in the Tokyo Olympics if we are not mentally there, we aren’t our full, genuine selves and that’s not okay. So take some time and fix yourself before you explode.

(22) Closure isn’t always guaranteed. In high school, many people left my life with no explanation and I never truly got closure from it. Even though I was never given closure, I made it happen for myself because I had to. More recently, my Pop passed away while I was 4,000+ miles away from any family. I never got to say a proper goodbye and missed his funeral. When I returned home, I realized that not being in Ohio when it all went down and not getting closure will affect me for the rest of my life. Will I ever get full closure from my Pops passing? No. But I am accepting that.

Although I’ve learned these 22 things over my lifetime, I still have lots of learning to do. As a child, I always tried to imagine what I would be doing at this age and I would say it might not always be unicorns and rainbows but I’m rather content with my life overall. Cheers to another trip around the sun.